“I grew up in a family which wasn’t r very religious. We didn’t go to Sundays mass or on holy days of obligation. Sometimes I went by myself but it wasn’t regular. I always wanted to be someone important someone special. I never liked boring life I thought I would do some career. But as the years were passing none of this dream I did achieve. I had jobs but nothing special. I got married to a wonderful man for whom I had waited a very long time. I dreamed about true love and had never been with someone else before in a serious relationship. All my friends were telling me that true love exists only in fairy tales. But I did believe and it was worth waiting for, when I met my future husband. We have been married for 11 years and have 3 children.
Everything my life seemed to be Ok although I wasn’t happy deep down.
I was worring about every day life with children, being stuck at home. I was the person who always was looking forward to weekends and holidays as they were more a attractive than weekdays.
But 6 years ago I started being curious about God. All of the sudden everything about Him really interested me. So I started to read books -a lot of them. Something inside me was asking for more and more.
I remember one moment when I was thinking about Mary and all of a sudden came an idea that she was a real person. That all of this about God isn’t a tale but is true. It was like some glass wall had broken between us. God became a real.
From then all I could think of was Jesus and His life.
The other important moment in my faith journey was over 2 years ago. It was when I decided to follow Jesus, to love and trust Him even if I am afraid of this new life. I was worrying He will send me some crosses to test my faith. I remember staying in my room and saying from my heart “Jesus I trust in you” -it was like jumping into deep water. But I knew without this I couldn’t go deeper in our relationship . And soon after that I realised that He lives in me deep deep down in my heart. And He gave me my dignity as a person and as a woman. I don’t have to look for acceptance from other people as I was doing before . Now I know that for Him I am most important and He loves me as no one else.
When I discovered His love I felt I wanted to give Him my life, I want to be with Him as close as possible and I want love Him as much I can. And in that moment I met St Theresa of Lisieux by reading her book “The story of a soul” I knew this is what I am looking for. The Carmel is all about love. To love Jesus the most, to be in the closest relationship with Him . Once I discovered my vocation I felt so close to all Carmelite saints! I can feel their support and love. When I was received into The Carmelite Third Order immediately I felt I had finally got my family I have people who understand me and who share the same strong , emotional feeling towards God.
Prayers aren’t any more things I have to say..no..prayer is the conversation with someone I know who loves me…
I have a special desire to pray for priests. Beautiful souls who gave up their lives to serve God. How they need our support our prayers so they can be so close to the Lord.
And now Jesus is my love and my light. I know I was waiting for Him all my life and only with Him can I be happy. Being close to Him- everything has changed my perspective. Life is beautiful and every day is a new promise of happiness. All problems I can sort out with Him. The most overwhelming thing is His Presence next to me. That is something I had never dreamed of.
And now I wake up every day and don’t need to go anywhere because He is with me. I love silence.
Now finally I know that everything is about love. Love which He has got for us and gives me .. I can’t keep it for myself I want share and love because of Him. It is difficult sometimes but I have my whole life to practise and have got all the saints who are helping from heaven ..I receive His grace which can fill and transform my life completely.” Karolina